Praise the Shortrib and Pass the Cheesy Tater

TBI’s mom comes to our house for Christmas, which is perfect for me because as much as I love to put on an affair and set a table, I don’t have room enough (or stamina enough) to do it for a large crowd for a sit down dinner.

His family’s visit (which never totals more than 5) is a perfect opportunity for me to Christmas up the house and make a meal I think befitting a holiday, but not to stress overmuch about where to put everyone and do I have enough matching plates, yada yada…

This year it was just Todd’s mom, so I overcooked. I can’t cook this kind of stuff for just three people. I can’t resist putting out appetizers for an army, and too many choices of beverage and wine.

But the main event, this year, I believe was the real star atop the culinary tree.

I made shortribs with horseradish cream sauce, adapted from Smitten Kitchen’s version, and scalloped potatoes, like Mama used to make. I did the glorious bacon (!) green beans, and cheated on the rolls (but fooled TBI’s mom with them).

This was a very easy meal to make, and I suggest that if you are looking to win someone over - man, woman, or child, you should make these short ribs. Smitten’s version was a little involved for me, so I did it sorta her way. Here’s my way, and I must say, it came out PERFECT. Better than perfect. Oh lord, I can’t stop thinking about them.

Braised Short Ribs
(I made about twice this many, but it was a little tough to do with oven space and all. And, we have a ton left over.)

8 or so short ribs (2 packages)
1 whole box of beef broth (I recommend Kitchen Basics)
1 cup of red wine (If you wouldn’t drink it, don’t cook with it)
1/3 cup of balsamic vinegar
2 minced garlic cloves
fresh thyme (or dried - whatever you got)
Kosher salt
Cracked pepper
Several tablespoons of olive oil

Step 1:
Preheat your oven to 400 degrees.

Heat three or four tablespoons of olive oil in the bottom of a dutch oven or heavy stock pot until it’s almost smoking. (Sidenote: I did two different pots as an experiment. My calphalon hard anondized pot did the job a lot faster, and I ended up with a crispy outside/tender inside thing going on. The [less expensive] multi function dutch oven did fine too, and cooked slower and more evenly. Better result? I liked the ones with the crispy outside better, but it’s strictly a matter of opinion. Nevertheless, watch your food based on how much heat you think your pot holds.)

Salt and pepper your short ribs liberally, all over. Sprinkle with thyme. Use Kosher salt, kids – not table salt.

Then sear the short ribs on all sides. Smitten admonishes to not skimp on this step, so I didn’t. Get them good and brown on all sides. Here’s where it’s nice to have a heavy duty set of good long tongs. You can do this in a frying pan but A) you’re going to splatter a lot of grease and B) that’s just one more pan to wash. I recommend doing it in the stock pot.

Step 2:

When you are done searing, pour the braising liquid into the pot. That’s most of the box of broth, the vinegar, and the wine. Do not cover the ribs, because that would be making soup. It should come up about halfway. Be sure your ribs are standing bone end up – not bone horizontal. Toss in a little more salt and pepper, and your minced garlic for good measure. Oh, and some more thyme. Why not.

Step 3:

Move your stock pot to the oven. Cook there for about half an hour at 400, then reduce heat to 325. Cook for another two hours or so, but be sure to check on the amount of liquid in your pot from time to time, and be sure you aren’t charring your meat. If it appears to be falling off the bone, that’s good. If it is little black charcoal briquets, that’s bad.

Smitten suggests taking it out of the pan when it’s done cooking and putting the ribs on a cookie sheet and baking to crisp up the outside. I found that by using my super hot calphalon pan, I was able to reduce the cooking liquid and achieve that effect without the transfer.

There is not a carnivore in the world who would not tear into these babies with the abandon of a coyote with his prey. Speaking of coyotes, we saw one just sitting on the edge of the highway the other day. No roadkill around or anything. Maybe he was looking for a shortrib.

Horseradish Cream Sauce

I'm not sure if these babies could be made better, but I sure the heck did like the addition of the sauce.

1 cup COLD half and half
1/2 cup mayo
3 tablespoons (or as much as you like - I use more) horseradish
1 tsp. salt
2 tsp. pepper

Wisk that half and half in a smallish bowl. Don't make it into butter, but you want to thicken it a little.

Add in the mayo, wisk some more.

Add in the horseradish, salt, and pepper, and let it stand for an hour. It will thicken itself. Oooh, baby.

Best Ever Dessert

This is my all time favorite dessert. I feel that I am betraying my mother by sharing the recipe with you, because it is her famous and traditional Christmas evening treat. Still, I can't resist publishing it because it would be so wrong to hoard it all to ourselves. I mean it, people. This dessert will make you fight your grandma for the last piece.

Cranberry Pudding Cake

1 c. flour
3/4 c. sugar
1/2 t. salt
1 t. baking powder
2 T butter
1/2 c. milk
1 1/2 c. whole fresh cranberries

Mix dry ingredients. Cut in butter using a pastry blender. Add milk and cranberries. Do not overmix--this is like a biscuit dough. Pour into a greased 9" pan. Bake at 375 degrees for 20-25 minutes. Serve warm with caramel sauce. I always double the recipe for the cake, but not the sauce.

Caramel Sauce

1/2 c. butter
1/2 c. sugar
1/2 c. brown sugar
1/2 c. evaporated milk

Combine all ingredients. Cook over medium heat, stirring frequently for about 15 minutes. Serve warm.

Go make it. NOW.

Bribery Meal

I needed Heather to come over and keep me on task last night, and so while I drove around and did banking and various other errands, I called her and wept and begged. I needed someone to talk to while I finished the loose ends of my purging project.

I bribed her with food and drink.

I didn't have a plan when I called her, so I had to think fast. I had a lot of criteria for this meal. It had to be something I could make fairly quickly, and with minimal mess. I also wanted to make something that would satisfy my urges for chick food and food that TBI will not eat. I had to get it in while the getting was good. And, I wanted it to be an adequate bribe for Heather.

Here's what I came up with, and it worked out almost perfectly.

1) Winter salad of butter lettuce mix (from a bag) with candied walnuts, pomegranite seeds, a few crumbles of leftover gorgonzola, red onion, and balsalmic viniagrette.

2) Crusty french baguette. My favvvorite bought artisan bread.

3) Mushroom risotto. Arborio brand makes a great "one step" one - totally a cheat but good and always comes out just right. For when you don't have time to stand and stir your risotto all night.

4) Pork Tenderloin with gorgonzola cream sauce. Ahhhhh.

And don't forget the wine.

The beauty is: I get to have it all over again tonight. I wanna go home now.

Now, About That Sunday Gravy

I have a million uses for Sunday Gravy.

Here's one I tried (read: made up) last Sunday.

I remembered while shopping in bulk at WalMart a few weeks ago that I used to really like that wagon wheel (some call it fancier names, but it will always be wagon wheel to me) pasta. I also seemed to recall, back in my early cooking days, making a spicy tomato cream sauce that I used over those wagon wheels. Nothing too fancy, but it was one of my favorite things to make and I thought because I used half and half it was gourmet.

Anyway, last Sunday I decided to use my wagon wheels, which turned out to be "mini" wagon wheels. I was crushed, thinking it would be horrible, but it turned out that after cooking them they seemed just the right size.

Here it is, as I designed it this time.

1 recipe of Sunday gravy. Portion off about four or five cups of it to freeze for later. Pour the rest into a skillet with some already browned and drained Italian sausage. NOTE: *I couldn't find any good hot Italian sausage in the WalMarts, so I fancied it up myself, adding some fennel seeds and crushed red pepper while TBI browned it. Turned out fabulous.

Add about a cup of half and half to your SG/Sausage mixture in the LARGE skillet or pot you're using, and let it simmer for awhile to meld the flavors. Do not scorch the milk. Toss in a little more cayenne pepper and fennel seed.

Make a thin layer of the sauce on the bottom of your deep casserole dish (I mean it, use something deeper than a normal 9x13 pan for this - it makes a lot!) and then dump half of the pasta in. Layer on some shredded cheese; I had a mozzarella/provolone mix that I thought was perfect for this, and maybe toss in a little parmesian for good measure, pour on half the sauce, and repeat. On the very top, pour in another few tablespoons of half and half, and then make a layer of provolone slices all over the top.

Bake at 325 for 40 minutes or so, just to make sure you have warmed through and you get some nice browning on the cheese. Serve with Lazy Bitch caesar salad from the bag, and some gooey garlic bread. And then go for a ten mile run.

*I think this was really easy, and a nice replacement for lasagna, which is a little more time consuming, and is always better the next day because it needs to set up. This comes out fine, straight from the oven!

Ingredient List:
1 Box Barilla Mini Wagon Wheels
2/3 recipe of Sunday Gravy
2 1/2 c half and half
1 tablespoon fennel seeds, divided
4 tsp. cayenne pepper
1 pkg italian sausage (about 1.5 lbs.)
2 c. mozzarella/provolone mix shredded cheese
8 slices provolone

Vegetable Beef Soup. Make You Some.

TBI and I like to have large amounts of food around the house, because there are lots of days we don't feel like cooking, or even getting out a knife or saucepan. Sometimes, Kraft Mac and Cheese is too much work.

Right now there is a large casserole of pasta with sausage and tomato cream sauce (more on that later) in the garage fridge, but as TBI had eaten on that for a week, I decided it was time to add another dish to the menu.

I bought stew meat, which I totally consider cheating, and it is still totally acceptable, and had TBI put it in the crock pot in the morning, on WARM. Not low, not hot, WARM. Two packages of stew meat, a cup of beef broth from the box, pour in some balsamic vinegar and some worchestershire and a healthy sprinkling of McCormick's Montreal Steak Seasoning, and voila. Five hours later you have succulent, delicious meat for your soup. If TBI hasn't eaten it all, one morsel at at time, before you get home from work to assemble the soup.

Now: make the soup. Start by having TBI peel six or seven smallish red potatoes (I think they hold up better in a soup and don't get as mealy. You could also use a Yukon Gold to the same advantage) and three or four carrots. Chop up some celery, and don't be afraid to use the leafy tops; they're gonna bring a lot of flavor to the pot.

Pour an entire box of beef broth into the pot, and add three cups of water to make more volume. Cut up your potatoes fairly small, you don't want bigger-than-bite-size hunks in your soup, and add them in, with the celery, and the carrots that you have cut into hunks on the bias.

Add a can of diced tomatoes, undrained. Last night I used a can that already had "italian seasonings" in it; whatever you have will be fine. Then toss in whatever veggies you like. I had a can of whole green beans, half a bag of frozen corn, and half a bag of peas.

Now to add the meat. I skimmed the fat off the top of the liquid in the crock pot with a ladel, and then poured the whole thing in. You want that cooked broth and salty goodness going in your soup. You want a little of the fat going in too, if you are into flavor.

Toss a couple of bay leaves (I did three, I think they do something special for the broth, and more is always better, right?), salt to taste, but be careful because the meat is salty as is the broth, and pepper. I put in a healthy amount of basil, and a dash of sage for that earthy, peasant taste.

Put the lid on it, and simmer at medium heat until you fear it will start to boil or pop over, and then remove the lid. You can eat it as soon as the potatoes and carrots are done (about an hour) but the longer this stuff simmers on low heat, the more delicious it will be.

I purchased a loooooong and beautiful crusty loaf of bread, which I warmed right on the oven rack, and it was perfect with the soup. I was looking forward to making croutons out of it later but the kitties decided they were into artisan bread and stuck their fangs in it all over while we weren't looking. Maybe you will have better luck with your bread than I did.

Cooking for One - or Many: Sunday Gravy

One thing I have discovered is that it is vital to be able to make a good red pasta sauce of your own. I am loathe to try to write my recipe here, as I have never had a recipe, and just dump things in willy-nilly, but I will do my best to give you a general idear of how I go about making what TBI and I call "Sunday Gravy".

When I make Sunday Gravy, I usually make quite a large amount of it, and it's enough to do a lasagna or a baked ziti or whatever it is I am making that evening, and to save and freeze another good-sized container for random food foraging at a later date.

Please do not send me hate mail if you try this and you hate it. First of all, everyone's taste in Sunday Gravy is a little different - so feel free to alter this at will, according to what you know about your particular taste. Secondly, I am making this up as I go along, especially in terms of measurements and ratios, because I don't measure anything. Ever. Which is why I don't bake.

Okay, so here's how I do it.

Get out your best heavy stockpot. We're going to make a lot. A heavy (i.e. - at least marginally expensive) stockpot is a kitchen investment. A cheap one burns stuff. A heavy one can simmer a sauce all day without a scorch. Plus, they're pretty and they make you feel like a "real" cook. Mine is featured here if you are interested. I find her very interesting.

In the bottom of your pot, drizzle some olive oil. Some = 3 or 4 tablespoons, I guess. Remember, we're making a lot. I like to use an olive oil that is basil infused for this, but usually I just have the cheap grocery store brand stuff and it works fine.

Warm the olive oil over medium heat, and when it's sufficiently hot (not crackling), toss in about a half a cup of finely diced onion. (I usually use red onion, but whatever you have around is fine.) You can chop them yourself, or you can be like me and do it in the food processor because you're lazy and you love the Cuisinart more than anything else in your kitchen.

Cook em just a little; they don't need to be translucent all the way because they are going to stay in that sauce and simmer for a very long time.

While they cook, open your canned tomatoes. I STRONGLY recommend you use Muir Glen organic tomatoes. This is one of the few times that I think brand really does count; usually I buy cheap store-brand stuff, but here you will definitely know the difference. I buy two of the large cans of diced (not pureed), and if I can get it I usually buy one that is "fire roasted" for a little extra flavor. If they have stuff that is already seasoned with garlic or basil or other italian herbs, go for it. I usually do a mix. These delicious canned tomatoes are a great sub for the real thing; sometimes even better. At my grocery store they are in the special "organic" section, but they don't cost much more than Del Monte, or other more famous brands.

Toss the suckers into the food processor (I have to do like four batches because my Cuisinart is small) and puree. Why not buy pre-pureed, you ask? I don't know; all I can say is that the time I tried that we didn't like it as much. Taste and texture were both a little off.

Toss the pureed (not TOO loose - leave a few chunks for that rustic appeal - you don't want it to look like Ragu) tomatoes into the pot and THEN put in your garlic. Now, we are big garlic fans, and probably use too much. Do whatever feels right to you. I use pre-minced stuff from the giant Costco jar. I know, I know. It's totally wrong. Maybe that's why I use so much - I am sure if I had the patience to peel and mince my own it would taste way better, and stronger. Anyway, I toss in three or so heaping tablespoons of the stuff, and reserve the right to throw more in later. I don't do the garlic with the onions because, remember, we are going to simmer this for a long time. We don't need to risk burning the garlic; we are sure it will cook and infuse its flavor just fine during the long simmering process. I also add a small can of tomato paste; somehow I think it adds texture and salt that I like to it.

Now, I like to add my herbs early, unless they are fresh, and then I add them late. Usually I just use dried herbs for this; I'm going to freeze it later, after all.

As your mixture simmers, you can throw in whatever you like. I encourage you to do a little bit of red wine or red wine vinegar - I do about two tablespoons. I do about two tablespoons (sometimes more) of dried basil, one tablespoon of oregano, sometimes a little crushed rosemary even ends up in there. TBI thinks I'm crazy but I also add one or two heaping tablespoons of sugar; I think the acid needs that sweet to counteract. Salt and pepper to taste as well. I like cracked black pepper, but whatever is in your reach will do fine.

Also, crushed red pepper. Now, how much of this you use depends on what you plan to do with the sauce. If you plan to add Italian sausage, you might use less, especially if you are able to get your hands on some HOT italian sausage, which we prefer but can rarely find a good bit of at our local grocery store. I have to get it in the city, at the real Italian grocery. So, add what you like - we like a lot.

Now, simmer this sucker as long as you can stand it. Stir it with a wooden spoon now and then. Your house will smell like Grandma Luisa's kitchen (who is Grandma Luisa? I have no idea) and the temptation to eat it by the spoonful will likely be overwhelming.

So here's the (vague) list:

3 tablespoons of olive oil
1/3 to 1/2 cup finely chopped red onion
2 large cans of Muir Glen tomatoes, one fire roasted
1 small can of tomato paste (also get a good brand)
3 tablespoons garlic (if it's the pre-minced stuff - otherwise, use less)
1/3 cup red wine or red wine vinegar
2 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons basil
1 tablespoon oregano
whatever italian herbs you have on hand, fresh or dried
1 tablespoon cayenne pepper
salt and black pepper to taste

simmer simmer simmer, stir stir stir.

Now, I use this when I do all manner of pasta dishes, and we love a good big batch of something like Lasagna or Cavatelli to cuddle up with on a chilly Sunday night. But what I REALLY love is pulling the leftover out of the freezer when I'm all by myself, and pouring it over whatever shape of pasta my heart desires, and topping the whole thing with some fresh parmesan or mozzarella, and feeling like my little quickie dinner is a gourmand's delight. I have been known to butter up a piece of sandwich bread and sprinkle on some thyme and garlic, and toast it under the broiler to finish off the italian night for one I've whipped up for myself. And all of that, once you have your sauce, will take about five minutes total. You can barely heat a frozen Weight Watcher's tray in that time.

The Pioneer Woman

You've heard me babble about this woman on my other site. You are tired of her. Frankly, so am I. She's got it too good. She cooks too much. There's no way she has time to do all she does. And yet...

I go back. Every day. I wait to see what she'll feature on that cooking site. I make the things she makes. I do, in fact, learn from her. Most of all, I appreciate her brand of cooking, which is regular with a little upgrade. She doesn't make over-fancy dishes. She cooks regular things, some of which I already make (which makes me feel good about myself - always a website plus) and some of which are things I can totally see wanting to make, and knowing that my husband will eat. The food usually has a touch of class, but she's not afraid to use common ingredients - ones she can find in her small hometown grocery store.

I think the way she organizes her recipes is totally useable, and the pictures - oh, the pictures, she takes of the process. My sister and I agree that our favorite is always her "cast of characters" post that is the first photo of every post. It features all of the ingredients, sort of piled up and stacked, ready to be used, and somehow it always has all this character and appeal, and I feel confident that what she's getting ready to make, I too, can make. Her writing is a little overmuch sometimes - I think she thinks she's quite cute. But it's not that distracting, and sometimes I do even chuckle a little despite myself. Don't let her writing get in your way; her cooking is still pretty freaking good.

If your computer is slow, this is not the site for you; those gorgeous pictures she stuffs her posts with take a minute to load.

From her site, I have made:

• Cheesy Olive Bread - most excellent and fattening glory, if you like olives, which, in fact, I do.
• Spicy Chicken Legs - good, but only so-so, and I even kicked up the "spicy" quite a bit from what she suggested.
• Cinammon Rolls - I'd say these are above average but not excellent. I think it's the fact that she uses baking powder AND baking soda in order to avoid kneading... it's just not my favorite taste. But that's just me; I think most people love em.
• Pumpkin Puree - It will probably turn out to be a good thing, but my instinct is that I should have buttered and salted the pumpkins before baking. Or something. It remains to be seen.
• Wings/Wing Sauce - perfect, but, like, how hard is that? It's a standard wing sauce recipe.
• Marlboro Man's Favorite Sandwich - you know what? It IS really good. And cheap and easy to make.
• Crash Potatoes - simple. fast. delicious.
• many, many more...

Generally speaking, it's a site for the everyday cook who wants delicious things to feed an entire family. The food is decidedly midwestern, which I find comforting, and it's usually at least a little bit fun.

Cooking for One, Part Uno - The Easy Hot Roast Beef Sandwich

When my husband is not in town, I flounder. I forage for food. I do not feed myself properly. I eat graham crackers for dinner, followed by a dessert of one slice of cheese.

I do not want to make dirty dishes. I like it when I open the refrigerator and can basically pull something out and eat it right then, or microwave it for three minutes. That is as far as I'll go to feed myself, alone.

This is a real problem, as I am a person who likes a square meal. I had to find a way to feed myself without actually "cooking" every night.

Of course, you can always make a casserole and eat it every day for a week, and sometimes I do just that. But I get tired of it, and I don't want it after awhile, and it's a big old thing to store in the fridge, yadayadayada.

I am going to do a series (I hope) of posts on ways I have found to feed myself without resorting to frozen dinners, starting with the excellent plan I had yesterday. Cheap, easy, and felt like a meal.

It started when I saw some french/hoagie type rolls on sale. No, they weren't wheat, but they were cheap. We can't have it all. TBI and I both love a philly or a french dip, so I figured I'd try it at home. My plan was to use some left over roast beast to do this with, but the beast got eaten before my sandwiches came to life.

Yesterday, I realized my bread was about to go south. I had some deli roast beef (the commercial kind, not the butcher-please-slice-this-for-me kind, which would be better, but this stuff still worked), so I decided to make do.

Ingredients:
1/3 of a red (or white, or whatever you got) onion, sliced into large rounds
1 1/2 cup beef broth
2 tblsp soy sauce
1 tsp minced garlic (fresh if you got it, otherwise use the powder)
pepper (I like to crack it, but again, whatever you got)
3 tblsp worchestershire
1 container (they are those glad-ware containers) of roast beef - I have no idea how many ounces it is.
Hoagie
Several slices of swiss cheese
butter, if you're into that (I am) - otherwise, cooking oil/olive oil

Start by melting a couple of tablespoons of butter in a deep skillet, and toss in your onions, stirring a lot. You don't want them brown, but you want them to get a little carmely and translucent. Toss in the garlic as that show ends. Don't do it too early or it will burn.

Then pour in your liquids, and add the pepper. Let that simmer for a bit and cook down.

In the meantime, turn on your broiler.

When your liquid/onion mix begins to come to a small, slow boil (adjust temp to keep it there or just below), throw your lunch meat into the sauce to warm it and add flavor.

If you are me, you'll butter your bread liberally and toss it under the broiler for a minute to get a little brown. During this stage of the game.

When you think the meat has been in there long enough (maybe 5 minutes simmering?)pull out pieces and pile it on your toasted hoagie, followed by onions you pull out of the sauce, and top with swiss. Return the open faced sandwich to the broiler to melt the cheese, just for a minute. Pour some of the sauce into a ramekin or bowl to dip the sammy in while you devour it.

Eat it with some "lazy bitch salad" as my mom calls salad in a bag. The beauty is that you can pour all the leftover meat, onions, and au jus back into the gladware container your meat came in, and pull it out to do a repeat sandwich for several days - in a flash!

The whole process took me about 13 minutes to do, including chopping and melting butter.

I wish I had a picture of it to show you, because you would crawl through your computer screen for it. It's important to use good bread - the whole package is that much more appealing. And day old is totally fine since you're toasting it and then putting soggy-ish meat on it anyhoo.

Enjoy!

Simply Recipes

Elise at Simply Recipes has gone and done (been doing) what I would so love to do but A) can't because I'm not as good a cook as she is, and B) can't because I can't take a decent photograph of food.

Of all the cooking websites, and there are trillions, I like hers best for several reasons. The way she indexes and organizes her recipes, for me, is very intuitive. There are a million ways to do this, as evidenced by the millin different ways cookbooks in print organize their contents, and I think it is just as important as the recipes themselves. Because if you can't intuitively find them? They might as not be there.

I also appreciate the elegant simplicity of the recipes she offers. Sometimes there's an exotic idea or ingredient thrown in there. Sometimes she tosses in a recipe that requires extra time, a special skill, or a particular utensil, but usually they are just really good, authentic recipes that anyone can make, and anyone would want to make, in my humble opinion.

Like her recipe for spanish rice. I have had some very bad spanish rice in my day. I have made some very bad spanish rice in my day. I have seen a million variations on how to get the tomato taste in there, some of which require laborious processes of cooking tomatoes, skinning them, pureeing them, and then using the juice while cooking the rice. This is too hard for me, and it will send me running back to Mahatma for the packaged stuff, which is pretty damn good if you ask me. But Elise allows for using canned tomatoes, doesn't ask for a bunch of hard-to-find herbs, and her product is flawless. I am a poor rice cooker, and I have not been able to mess up her recipe.

Disclaimer: She does have a particular fascination with oxtail, and I just can't get into that.

I also like how she always tells where she got the recipe, often crediting her parents or other family members in a very delighful and non-gushy nor overly sentimental way.

Her recipes read right, and are followable, unlike many that you find on the mass production sites like about.com. The process makes sense in the order she presents it, and for that I am grateful because I am forever mixing things together before I should because the recipe didn't stop me soon enough, etc.

Anyway, go visit her and write back. Tell me what you think, what you made, and how it turned out. And I'll review for you as I go as well.

How I Learned To Cook, Thank You Internet.

My mother is a great cook. Her fried chicken and mashed potatoes makes Paula Deen look like a Furr's prep cook. She can make a chocolate sheet cake that shames the other church ladies in a five state radius.

I grew up eating country style ribs, homemade macaroni and cheese, barbequed brisket, braised roast beef, fried potatoes and creamed peas.

She never taught me to do any of it. She was a single working mom, and while it was her God given duty to make sure we had three squares a day, made by her loving hand, the thought of having a kid in the kitchen slowing her down, making more messes, and potentially destroying dinner was far too much for her overbusy body.

When I went to college I could not use an electric can opener, let alone the hand cranked kind. I lived, for at least two years, on hot dogs and frozen burritos.

Eventually I decided I needed to learn to cook a thing or two, and broke out the trusty Better Homes and Gardens cookbook my mother had thrust into my hands as I left the nest, and made myself some chicken kiev. And I used lots and lots and lots of butter. And I liked it. Eventually I had made all of the appealing dishes in the book, and read it from cover to cover since it really does tell you how to boil water and move forth from that accomplishment. I made those dishes, again and again, for many years.

That is, until the internet came gloriously rolling into my culinarily challenged world. My first foray into all that the internet had to offer me in terms of expanding my talents was on Epicurious.com. If you haven't been there, go there now. At the time it was often above my head (and often still is), but it opened to me the world of words like demi glace and julienne and reduction. While I wasn't always ready to tackle the ingredient list or the techniques Epicurious offered me, it provided reading and inspiration for meals upon meals, failures, learning experiences and a few kick ass beef tenderloins with brandy sauces, accompanied by rosemary garlic mashed potatoes and curried carrot sautes.

Epicurious.com is a clearinghouse of recipes from Gourmet and Bon Appetite. Using their advanced search, you can find exactly the recipe you want, given the ingredients, dietary restrictions, or brand of cuisine your little heart desires. It's awesome because it often shows photos, often suggests wines, and is chock full of user ratings and suggestions. I can kill an afternoon just reading about ways to use heirloom tomatoes. And yes, I am that lame. And no, I don't have better things to do.

Over time I am going to let you in on all my dirty little secrets, ways I pass other peoples' genius ideas off as my own, and show you how to do the same. No matter what kind of cook you are, the internet and I will offer you ways to appear far better than you really are. And that's what it's all about.

Saturday Brunch

Omelettes!!

After my training I wanted to make brunch in bed for TBI, but he got up and ruined it.

A bacon and cheese omelette - yes we're sick for bacon.

The trick to a good omelette is this: under cook it just a little.

Break three eggs into a bowl and whip them a bit with a fork.

Heat the skillet (mine was still greasy from frying bacon so I didn't need any butter or oil in the pan) and pour in the eggs. Let them cook until there is about half the egg mixture still loose on top of the cooked bottom. Then throw on your toppings. I threw some finely minced red onion, some crumbled bacon, and a healthy handful of shredded cheddar on one half of the egg. And the special ingredient - Cavendar's Greek Seasoning. I tossed a little dill and a dash of salt and pepper inside.

Then, carefully flip the un-topped half over the top of the topped half, and turn the heat to low, letting the insides cook just a little more, until you can press the top of the omelette with the spatula and raw eggy stuff doesn't squeeze out, but it's still moist - even a little wet. It will continue to cook a little when you take it out of the pan. Also, a dry omelette is gross.

You can serve it with some salsa and sour cream, but I think it's flavorful and fattening enough as is. Sprinkle some more dill and salt and pepa on top, and voila! If you have some roasted red potatoes left over from last night, like I did, serve those on the side in lieu of hashbrowns.

And then go back to sleep. You'll be in a food coma.

Friday Night Dinner

TBI gets to come home on the weekends, and we try to make the most of our time. I had a work thing to do on Saturday early in the morning, so we stayed in on Friday night and I made a special meal for him to precede the ice cream sandwiches seen below.

I made The Pioneer Woman's Spicy Chicken Legs, and while they were good, they lacked the excitement I was hoping for. I even added several good chugs of Franks RedHot and a generous amout of cayenne pepper to her recipe, but still they were pretty tame. They were very juicy, but not as herby and hot as I hoped they would be.

I also made roasted red potatoes, and all I have to say is, Make These Immediately.

Get two pounds of red potatoes, rinse them and cut them into fairly small bits - I think I cut them in 9ths.

Get out a cookie sheet, dumped the potato cubes on it, and pour 1/2 of a cup of olive oil over them, followed by a dash of seasoning salt and a package of onion soup mix. With a spatula, stir them around. I also threw a little minced fresh rosemary on there because I had it.






Heat the oven to 450, and throw em in. It will seem like they're cooking quickly, but I left them in at 450 for 20 minutes, then I lowered the heat to 400 (because I put the chicken legs in) for another 30 minutes. You want them browned and crispy on the outside. You could probably cook them even longer than that for a really crispy outside, which I think I will do next time.

TBI loves green beans, and we all love bacon, so I made extra-special green beans. Here's the process.

Heat a large saucepan of water on the stovetop, and dump in a bag of frozen whole green beans. Add some sort of base - I used mushroom but beef would work or vegetable. While that simmers, fry some bacon. I used three strips and cut them up with kitchen scissors right into the large frying pan. As soon as the bacon is crisp, drain off most of the grease, and drain the water off the blanched beans. Put the beans into the frying pan with the bacon, add some salt, pepper, and minced garlic, and turn the heat to low, stirring the beans occasionally and letting them get softened.

The Pioneer Woman also supplied an obscene recipe for buttery herbed bread, so I threw some of that together, since it's not a meal unless you use bacon and at least four sticks of butter. All in all it was a pretty easy meal to make, but seemed like a special one - even though I left the chicken under the broiler just a minute too long. Oh well.

The Naughty Ice Cream Sandwich

This ain't your little sister's ice cream sandwich.

Do the ice cream first. Here's what you do. Get some ice cream - I prefer Bryer's french vanilla, but I also prefer what's on sale. Let it soften up a little. Then dump some Bailey's in a bowl, as much as you like. I like Bailey's a lot, but I must say that I got my ice cream a little too Bailey'sish, so be careful.

Then dump the softened icecream into the bowl and mash it up with the booze until it's kind of thick but soupy. Then spread it onto a jellyroll pan or a cookie sheet with sides. Put it in the freezer and wait for it to get pretty hard. Not hard as a rock, but you are going to need it to hold its shape. This can take a couple of hours.

Then get out a box of brownie mix. I used a Ghirardelli double chocolate one that had chocolate chunks in it. The chunks are vital, so put extra chunks in if you don't have a mix that has them already. We need extra chunks of chocolate in everything. It's really, really important.

Follow the box directions, except for this. Use TWO eggs, add a little instant cappucino (I used about three tablespoons), and a third of a cup of coffee liquor instead of water. I used creme de cassis because the lid was stuck on the Kaluha bottle and we were out of Tia Maria. Grease another jelly roll pan, and then cover it with parchment paper. This is actually important. Don't skip the parchment. Spread the brownie batter on that, and bake. I baked around 15 minutes and that was about perfect. I don't like them overbaked. But you want them thinner than a regular brownie, of course, and that's the point of the pan.

Once your ice cream is sufficiently hard, you can start the fun part.

Cut the brownies out with a cookie cutter. I used a giant heart because these are for my sweetie, but use whatever floats your boat. Then cut out the ice cream with the same cutter. Work fast - the ice cream is trying to melt again on you.

Assemble them in one or two layers, depending on how thick they are or how big your cutter is. Since mine is so big, one layer was more than enough.

Now, they're perfect just like that. But I am an uber perfectionist. So I added some chocolate liquer to my good old store bought chocolate sauce, and drizzled that on top of the sandwiches before I served them, because ooey gooey chocolate sin can only be better with more ooey gooey chocolate and booze.

This will get you laid.

Ingredient List:

1 box of brownie mix, preferably Ghirardelli double chocolate

2 eggs

1/3 cup chocolate liquer

1/3 cup oil

1/2 gallon of ice cream, preferably Breyer's french vanilla, or what's on sale

1/2 cup of Bailey's Irish creme (or Carolan's, which is the cheaper version I had on hand)

Chocolate syrup, optional

My photo is pre-syrup. I had to take kind of an ugly photo because they were melting and I didn't have time to plate them up for a pretty photo since I was afraid I'd ruin the whole thing.

Use your imaginations.

This recipe courtesy of www.pinchmysalt.com

Barefoot Contessa's Baked Eggs

Her recipe is only available online for a short time, so I decided to "save" it here.
I've been making these every few days since I saw the episode, with some variations. I don't use heavy cream, I use whatever herbs I have on hand, and I just toast some wheat bread. Maybe someday I'll make it "right" for company, but it's pretty damn amazing in my watered-down version.


1/4 teaspoon minced fresh garlic
1/4 teaspoon minced fresh thyme leaves
1/4 teaspoon minced fresh rosemary leaves
1 tablespoon minced fresh parsley
1 tablespoon freshly grated Parmesan
6 extra-large eggs
2 tablespoons heavy cream
1 tablespoon unsalted butter
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
Toasted French bread or brioche, for serving

Preheat the broiler for 5 minutes and place the oven rack 6 inches below the heat.
Combine the garlic, thyme, rosemary, parsley, and Parmesan and set aside. Carefully crack 3 eggs into each of 2 small bowls or teacups (you won't be baking them in these) without breaking the yolks. (It's very important to have all the eggs ready to go before you start cooking.)
Place 2 individual gratin dishes on a baking sheet. Place 1 tablespoon of cream and 1/2 tablespoon of butter in each dish and place under the broiler for about 3 minutes, until hot and bubbly. Quickly, but carefully, pour 3 eggs into each gratin dish and sprinkle evenly with the herb mixture, then sprinkle liberally with salt and pepper. Place back under the broiler for 5 to 6 minutes, until the whites of the eggs are almost cooked. (Rotate the baking sheet once if they aren't cooking evenly.) The eggs will continue to cook after you take them out of the oven. Allow to set for 60 seconds and serve hot with toasted bread.